Dead Clown Store

Best of 2011

2012-01-02T10:45:00.000-08:00

Happy Holidays, all you nutty floppy cyber-bunnies!

Had oodles of fun putting this list together last year, so decided to churn & froth another one out this year. Nice way to gather all of my favorite 2011 bits and baubles of entertainment, toss em in a tiny box, then stack it neatly on a dusty closet shelf with the rest. Bubble wrap, packing tape & juicy Sharpie marker in hand, here we go...

The following lists are in alpha order NOT preference order. My "Best of Best of" picks are pictured & in BOLD.

Best Books I READ in 2011:

• The Amazing Adventures of Cavalier & Clay by Michael Chabon
• Dead Bad Things by Gary McMahon
• Loss of Separation by Conrad Williams
• Pretty Little Dead Things by Gary McMahon
• The Third Bear by Jeff VanderMeer
• The Windup Girl by Paolo Bacigalupi

I honestly couldn't decide which one I loved more. They're both incredible! Gary McMahon is easily at the top of my Must Read Authors list.

Best Movies of 2011:

• The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
• Hanna
• Rango
• Rise of the Planet of the Apes
• Source Code
• Super 8

Another tie. Hanna because I've never seen anything like it before. A mesmerizing fairy tale with Ronan's eerily focused presence always at its center. Dragon Tattoo because of Mara's absolutely fearless (& yes, Oscar-worthy) performance, & how Fincher brilliantly controls & unravels the dark & complex source material, as only Fincher can.

Best Music of 2011:

• 21 by Adele
• Eureka by Mother Mother
• Goblin by Tyler, the Creator
• The King of Limbs by Radiohead
• Metals by Feist

This one was easy. I am openly biased when it comes to Radiohead. If they put a record out in any given year, chances are it will find its way to top of my list. With that said, Limbs was subtle & stunning; especially on the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, etc. listen. It definitely earned the crown.

I showed you mine, now show me yours. [giggle titter snort]

Read/saw/heard a lot of incredible books/movies/music in 2011. Look forward to what 2012 will have for me to pick up, toss & tumble about in my reptile brain, then sort & store in next year's tiny box.

Happy 2012! And as you follow your dangling carrots into the new year, make sure you're the one holding the stick.

Cheers!

Chris

deadclownart dot com

4 months later...

2011-08-16T15:57:00.000-07:00

Ready for some rapid fire Dead Clown Art updates? Got em rye cheer...

Rapid update 1:

Skeleton Leaves by the marvelous Helen Marshall is out & about in the literary wild! Skeleton Leaves is a wonderfully dark retelling of Peter Pan. It's impossibly well done & if you haven't ordered your copy, here's your chance to remedy that:

Yes! Want! Must! Buy!

I met Helen (& Laura, the other half of the Sisters ChiZine) at the 2011 World Horror Con in Austin, TX. She contacted me after we were all respectively home & recovered & asked if I'd make a cover for her Skeleton Leaves. I was so blown away by it that I made the cover PLUS 6 b/w interior illustrations! We're both extremely proud of our creepy collaborative creation! IT'S ALIVE! Get yours today!

Here's the cover:

And click here to view the 6 b/w interior pieces.

Rapid update 2:

Recently finished a new piece for the upcoming CLOWNS! group show at Finders Creepers in Des Moines. CLOWNS! opens Friday, August 19th, 6-10p. I'll have the new piece (along with 2 older clown-related pieces) PLUS 2 prints up & out for sale.

Details:

ALL THE TASTY CHILDREN: Mixed media & found objects/paper on found wood. 30x30. $500.

SAD JUGGLE CLOWN 1: 10 3-color photostat prints. Signed & numbered. 8.5x14. $5 each.

SAD JUGGLE CLOWN 2: 15 4-color photostat prints. Signed & numbered. 8.5x14. $5 each.

Hope to see you at the opening! Can't promise you'll make it out alive. Never said art was safe, did I?

CHOMP!

Rapid update 3:

Couple quick shout-outs to more of my wacky WHC pals...

Gary McMahon for his 2011 BFS Awards Best Novel nom for his Pretty Little Dead Things, a dark & wicked read that cemented (The Concrete Grove pun intended!) him as my latest must-read author!

Web
Twitter

Vincent Chong for his 2011 BFS Awards Best Artist & Best Non-Fiction (for his collection Altered Visions) noms! AND for his 2011 World Fantasy Awards Best Artist nom! And boy oh boy does he deserve em!

Web

Lou Morgan for having her novel Blood and Feathers picked up for publication by Solaris! Can't WAIT to get my copy in 2012!

Blog
Twitter

Precisely 4,389 congrats to each & every one of my brilliant WHC mates: Helen, Gary, Vinny & Lou! Continued success with your unparalleled words & images! Cheers!

Okay. Not so rapid fire. Had more to say than I thought. It has been 4 months...

Tidy hugs & sloppy kisses,

Chris

deadclownart dot com

WHC 2011 - All Things Scary!

2011-04-03T11:31:00.000-07:00

Wow! Has it been THAT long? Yes, yes it has. And suddenly... it's APRIL!

SUPER excited for WHC 2011!

"What is this WHC 2011 that you speak of Mr. Dead of the Clown Art tribe?"

World Horror Convention 2011!

What: An annual gathering of professionals in the horror industry; publishers, authors, artists, musicians, filmmakers, dealers and, of course, horror fans. WHC serves as both an industry insider’s networking event and a chance for fans of the genre to get together, meet some of the creative talents in the field, and generally spend a weekend celebrating All Things Scary. (from their site)

When: April 28th to May 1st

Where: Austin, TX

I'll be driving down - rental car filled with the bear necessities - all day Wednesday, April 27th. SO looking forward to this con... but NOT the drive to get down there. 15 HOURS! GASP! You KNOW I'll be packing Life Waters, Bugles, Twinkies and TONS of CDs. And my camera, of course, to capture every morsel of this odd adventure! Oddventure?

And what will I be doing at WHC 2011?

Mingling with horror authors (Joe Hill, Peter Straub, Brian Keene, Sarah Langan, Rio Youers and more), horror publishers AND horror artists, including my e-pal Vincent Chong, who I'll be "hanging" with while...

Showing 15 pieces at the WHC Art Show, as well as books that I've "covered", 2 limited edition WHC-only photo prints for sale (1 of which I created especially for this con), my $1 Charlie the Tiger stickers and FREE Dead Clown Art stickers for EVERYBODY!

LIVE PAINTING Friday, April 29th! Stoked (and nervous) for that! GULP!

And enjoying the sites, sounds and tastes of Austin! Never been, so this'll be a RAD first for me!

I'll be live tweeting when I'm able from the con, then posting CRAZY stories and pics when I get back to DSM.

More to come. Super-happy-good-luck-have-fun-best-wish thoughts welcome!

Virtual hugs and kisses to you all! SQUEEZE! SMACK! SLURP!

Cheers!

Chris

deadclownart dot com

Hoth Out There

2011-02-01T19:03:00.000-08:00

Quite a blustery blizzard blowing outside, huh? What started as a silly song in my head while walking to Dahl's through our little snowpocalypse today, became the bulk of this blog post...

@scottrocketship and @amandambarr asked for it on Twitter. Be careful what you wish for yo! Word to your mother ship!

Hoth Out There
To the tune of Hot In Here by Nelly
Apologies to Nelly

Luke was like, good gracious, Force is bodacious
Invasions, filled with those lasers
Lookin for my weapon cuz we're starting to freeze
Cuttin tauntaun belly and it stinks and it steams
Wish we were leavin, instead I start heavin
Poor Skywalker and all uh his demons
Check it, got a few secrets, quite a few reasons
Princess, dark dad, hand is bleedin
Right hand, nothin up that sleeve, no teasin
Need to get away from the Blizzard Force
Droids can open garbage compactor doors
Han feels like Maverick's Goose, Leia feels like touching Luke (ick!)
Her buns are tight but Leia's loose, Han can really be obtuse

It's gettin Hoth out there, so put on all your clothes
It is gettin so Hoth, I wanna put my clothes on
It's gettin Hoth out there, so put on all your clothes
It is gettin so Hoth, I wanna put my clothes on

Let the Wookiee shout!

Chewbacca's in the cockpit poppin the throttle
Han's chillin next to him, droppin that bottle
The Millennium Falcon's an elaborate model
So many knobs and buttons it makes the mind boggle
Stalled snowspeeder, hell no didn't park it
Need some arctic Jawas, time to spark it
Hear that slow bass thump? AT-AT walked it
Rebels so tasty make a wampa stalk it
Cold freezing upside down in this joint
Crazy mutant icicles, Luke's getting the point
Come on over lightsaber and cut me loose
Or that hungry Hoth Yeti's gonna cook my goose
So layer it on before you leave home
Or pour syrup on your head like a chilly snow cone
Obi-Wan's your master, Han's your best friend
Puttin caps in Vader's ass til the mother fuckin end

It's gettin Hoth out there, so put on all your clothes
It is gettin so Hoth, I wanna put my clothes on
It's gettin Hoth out there, so put on all your clothes
It is gettin so Hoth, I wanna put my clothes on

Mix a little bit of R2
With a little bit of D2
Give a little bit of C3
With a little bit of PO
With a little bit of Jabba
And a sprinkle of that Hutt Hutt

Stop spacin, Hoth's a waste bin
Store that shit in the Echo Base-ment
That kid's sure a wiz at pod racin
Midichlorian count much more'n a trace in
Ewoks, Ewoks, speeder bikes zoom
Snarin AT-STs, makin em swoon
Endor Forest Rangers not Daniel Boone
Hoth's the 6th planet with 3 mother fuckin moons

It's gettin Hoth out there, so put on all your clothes
It is gettin so Hoth, I wanna put my clothes on
It's gettin Hoth out there, so put on all your clothes
It is gettin so Hoth, I wanna put my clothes on

Mix a little bit of IG
With a little bit of 88
Give a little bit of Darth Darth
With a little bit of Vader
With a little bit of Boba
And a sprinkle of that Fett Fett

Note: I'm a Star Wars FAN, not a Star Wars FANATIC. I'd apologize for inaccuracies, but it's a parody. If you can't have fun with it, yank my Yankovic. Wink!

Be safe out there! Beware the wayward wampa! RANCOR!

Chris

Best of 2010

2010-12-29T16:40:00.000-08:00

Happy Holidays, my fancy, witty, talkative weasels!

It's the holiday season & you know what that means... BEST OF LISTS APLENTY & GALORE!

Here's mine. Best books, movies & music... according to ME! Disagree? Make your own damn list! HA!

Pay close attention to the headers! It'll prevent comments like:

"Check your dates jackass! Résumé With Monsters didn't come out in 2010!"

Feel free to comment with your own 2010 picks. Always looking for rad books, movies & music to gobble up!

The following lists are in no particular order EXCEPT alphabetical. My "Best of Best of" picks are pictured & in BOLD.

Ready? Set? GO!

Best Books I READ in 2010:

• Bad Things by Michael Marshall
• Boneshaker by Cherie Priest
• End Times by Rio Youers
• Garbage Man by Joseph D'Lacey
• Horns by Joe Hill
• The Language of Dying by Sarah Pinborough
• Mr. Shivers by Robert Jackson Bennett
• Résumé With Monsters by William Browning Spencer
• Shadow Season by Tom Piccirilli

Best Movies of 2010:

• Black Swan
• Chloe
• Green Zone
• How To Train Your Dragon
• Inception
• Predators
• Splice
• Toy Story 3

Movies I Missed That Might Have Made That List:

• 127 Hours
• Buried
• Micmacs
• Monsters
• Never Let Me Go
• Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
• The Social Network

Best Music of 2010:

• Broken Bells by Broken Bells
• Sea of Cowards by The Dead Weather
• Sigh No More by Mumford and Sons
• Tiger Suit by KT Tunstall
• Treats by Sleigh Bells

Sorry, couldn't narrow it down to just one.

There you have it! Take it or leave it. Like it or lump it. Lumpit! HA! Sounds like a Fraggle Rock character!

Have a safe & marvelous remainder of 2010! Then have a SWEET 2011, filled with more original, challenging, mind-blowing books, movies & music than you can cram into your reptile brain!

Cheers!

Chris

deadclownart dot com

My blog, she is sleeping

2010-11-01T20:52:00.000-07:00

SHHH! My blog is sleeping.

Poor thing. I should probably wake her up. More hibernation than slumber really. Should nudge her. Dust her off. Flick away the dry hollow bugs.

No. Reckon she'll be pretty pissed. She missed much of summer. Not that August here is anything to bark about. But the good stuff at summer's end? And much of fall. Hell, we've nearly bumped into winter. She'll hate that.

Shrill stiff sore scary mess...

Maybe I should let her sleep. A bit longer.

Just look at her back there. Quietly humming purring snoring. Thick blanket rising falling rising falling. Inflating deflating.

Dusty hissing bellows.

Couple more days. She won't be mad forever. Can't be. Can she?

Couple more weeks perhaps. One month tops...

Excuse me? I'm not finished yet... what? She's standing behind me? Oh. Shit.

Breath hot. Pulse thud thud thudding. Fuse lit. Rising falling. Inflating deflating.

boom

I'd promise to blog more but my wooden nose would grow to an obscene length, so I won't. Want more ME? Follow me on Twitter.

Cheers!

Chris

deadclownart dot com
prints
etsy shop

MONSTARS! Price List

2010-07-21T14:17:00.000-07:00

Brent Houzenga - Van Holmgren - Chris Roberts

Opening this Friday, July 23rd, from 6-10p at Finder's Creepers,
515 18th Street (Western Gateway, between Grand & Ingersoll)

Brent & Van & I will be hanging our ghoulish nonsense tonight (7/21/10), in preparation for our SPOOKY opening this Friday (7/23/10) night. All told, there will be over 30 pieces up & ready for viewing & fearing & adoring & buying! Here's what I'll have up & out for your perusal & purchase:

NEW PIECES

The Brothers Claw
Mixed media on found wood. 38.5x21. $500.

Amelia's Monster
Mixed media on found wood. 18.5x30.5. $400.

EE Zombie Jar
Digital print on wood. 24x33. $200.

Demon-Eyes
Mixed media & found objects on found wood. 27x50x2.5. $750 OBO.

Little Girls, Little Girls, Night & Day I Eat Sleep & Breathe Them
Acrylic & spray paint on wood. 15x24. $300.

Sharp Dead Cherub
Mixed media & found objects on found wood. 18x22x4. $750 OBO.

OLDER PIECES

Robot Zombie - $750 OBO
Snap! Crackle! Pop! - $400
King of Nothing - $250
Yellow Demon - $400
Frog Man - $200
SKELETOR - $250

PLUS

• Various prints: $5-$15 each
• Dead Clown Art blocks: $3-$5 each
• Dead Clown Art coloring books: $5 each
• Handmade stuffed dead clown (last one!): $25
• FREE Dead Clown Art stickers!!!

Hope to see you at the opening this Friday night! Bring a friend or 2 or 10! MONSTAR-ific time... guaranteed!

Jeers & fears & tears & cheers!

Chris

P.S. Have you checked out my prints page yet? No? Well why the hell not? Check it! Jesus dang!

Print Preview

2010-06-29T14:56:00.000-07:00

Print Preview. HA! Methinks I doth Excel too much.

Wait a damn minute! 2 blog posts in 1 month? That's like the 5th horseman of the apocalypse or something! Holy shit!

Quick post to announce/advertise that I'll have 5 photo prints available for sale at the fast-approaching monSTARs! opening, Friday, July 23rd, at Finder's Creepers. Along with the original pieces I'll be hanging (see previous post), the following photo prints will be available (super limited quantities, but I can always order more):

Demon Self Portrait
12x12
$15 each - 2 available

He-Man and Enemies
12x12
$15 each - 1 available (1 reserved)

King of Nothing
6x12 (half of pictured)
$15 each - 4 available

Snap! Crackle! Pop!
11x14
$15 each - 3 available

EE Zombie Jar
11x14
$15 each - 3 available

Please email if you'd like to reserve one to pick up at the monSTARs! opening on July 23rd. Or let me know if you'd like to place an order. Same $15 each, just add $5 shipping. Check or cash at monSTARs! opening. Check, money order or Paypal if you'll be placing an order instead.

Note: Will ship after payment received; 2-3 weeks for shipping; US only.

Hope to see you at the monSTARs! opening Friday, July 23rd, at Finder's Creepers! And who else will be taking part in this ghoulish show? So glad you asked!

Van "The Vamp" Holmgren and Brent "The Bogeyman" Houzenga

No. I'm not going to do it. Stop it. I'm not going to monstrously represent myself in the first person. Dammit! Fine!

Chris "The Creature" Roberts

There. Happy now?

Cheers!

Chris
deadclownart dot com

Upcoming Dead Clown stuff

2010-06-23T15:26:00.000-07:00

Last blog post in March? Really? Time's sure fun when you're having flies!

ribbit

Upcoming Dead Clown stuff:

June 2010-

Dropping off 6 pieces at Instinct Gallery tonight (6/23/10). They'll hang at Instinct during the 2010 Des Moines Arts Festival. Price list:

6 Wolf
Mixed media on canvas (framed), 18x24, $200

King of Nothing
Mixed media on wood, 12x24, $250

Button Pusher
Mixed media on wood, 12x12, $200

Yes He Can
Mixed media on wood, 12x12, $200

Jesus Shaves
Mixed media on wood, 12x12, $200

Sacred Heart of Tony
Mixed media on canvas board (framed), 18x24, $400

I'll also have a stack of stickers at Instinct for those of you - like myself - who enjoy FREE STUFF!

July 2010-

Spending the next couple of weeks putting the finishing touches on 7 NEW PIECES. And what are those pieces for? Generally, a 3-person show at Finder's Creepers, toward the end of July. Precise and specific details soon!

Here's a wee peek at 1 of the new pieces:

I'll be showing 10-12 pieces at this show - the aforementioned 7 NEW PIECES, plus 3-5 older pieces. Roughly likewise for my pARTners in crime. See what I did there?

April/May 2011-

Heading south to show art and mingle/mix with a horror-bly creative lot at the 2011 World Horror Convention! Packing the VIBE with art, stickers, biz cards, and various t-shirts and jeans for me to wear, and driving to Austin. Can't! Freaking! Wait! More to come on this EPIC journey! YEE HAW!

There's a couple of other irons in the fire that I'm not able to blog about yet. But I will when I can, I assure you.

That's all for now. Take care of each other. Shit appears to be getting even weirder and more broken out there. Do your part to calm it down and patch it up. I'll try to do the same.

This blog post has been brought to you by the color GREEN!

Best,

Chris
deadclownart dot com

More love for Babylonian

2010-03-25T12:29:00.000-07:00

Seb Doubinsky's brilliant The Babylonian Trilogy (PS Publishing) recently landed on the prestigious 2010 Arthur C Clarke Award long list! Many congrats to Seb! Really hope it makes the short list. It certainly deserves to.

Fingers crossed!

So many great books on the long list! Of note, besides Seb's Babylonian of course:

• Moxyland by Lauren Beukes (Angry Robot)
• The Wild Things by Dave Eggers (Hamish Hamilton)
• The City and the City by China Mieville (Macmillan)
• The Painting and the City by Robert Wexler (PS Publishing)

Click here for the full long list.

They put together a pretty sweet cover montage of all the long list submissions:

My cover is definitely in good company!

Thrilled that Babylonian is getting so much attention! Deserves all it's received thus far... and so much more! Would be rad to see it get a US release!

In closing, congrats to Seb and all the other incredible authors that made the list! And many thanks to PS Publishing, for continuing to take chances on books like Seb's... and cover artists like me!

Yummy sausage-flavored sausages for everybody!

Cheers!

Chris Roberts, Dead Clown Art
deadclownart dot com

Annoyed with the infrequency of my blog updates? Follow me on twitter!

Lack of Sexy Robots & Sensory Overload

2010-01-07T11:34:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year!

2010 my ass! Flying cars? NO! Teleportation? NOPE! Technicolor rayguns? NADA! Sexy robots? NOT A ONE!

What the hell happened? I adore science fiction as much as the next geek, um, fan, but it's not without blame for over-promising on the future. For shame, I say. FOR SHAME!

Next topic...

I'll have 3 pieces - 1 large, 2 small - in the January 2010 show - Sensory Overload - at Instinct Gallery (1408 Locust Street, Des Moines). Opens Friday, January 8th (tomorrow), with an opening reception the same day from 6-11p! Really looking forward to seeing this group show! It's sponsored by SCION and Boulevard Brewing Company, which I think means we get paid in futuristic cars and tasty beer. Probably not, but wouldn't that be awesome?

I'll let the postcard provide Sensory Overload details (click to enlarge):

Click here to take a peek at the smaller pieces I created especially for Sensory Overload.

Click here to take a peek at the larger piece I created especially for Sensory Overload.

The larger piece started out as an 8" x 8" mixed media collage piece, that I scanned up to 3' x 3', then had printed straight to wood (painted white in advance of printing) at Beeline and Blue. They did an incredible job with it, and I'm absolutely thrilled with the finished product! See it up close and personal tomorrow night!

Hope to see you at the reception! Should be a blast! Not able to make it to the reception? No worries. Sensory Overload will be up all January. Spread the word! Share the love! Bring your friends!

Cheers!

Chris Roberts, Dead Clown Art
deadclownart dot com

HODGEPODGE @ SMASH and Other Rad Shit

2009-11-11T19:23:00.000-08:00

Okay. I was just bitching on Twitter last night about how much I hate writing blog posts. And I still do, but apparently I was bitten by either the Guilt Bug or the Blog Fairy last night while sleeping. Ouch! Note to self: Bring Guilt Bug spray and a Blog Fairy swatter to bed tonight. FIZZ and SPLAT!

Okay. Couple of things to pass along in this post, then I'll let you all get back to what you were doing before you unfortunately stumbled upon this mess of words and links.

1) Great news! Found out yesterday that The Babylonian Trilogy by Seb Doubinsky made the Bibliophile Stalker Best of 2009 Short List for Best Novel! I did the cover artwork for this amazing book - which has absolutely nothing to do with it making this list, I assure you. It's all about what's BETWEEN those covers. I've said it before and I'll say it again - it's a BEAUTIFUL book and an INCREDIBLE read! Send in the links!

Link to the Best of 2009 Short List here.

Link to the book on the PS Publishing site here.

2) Exciting plans this weekend? No? Well your Saturday night is taken care of at Instinct Gallery (1408 Locust Street, inside the Des Moines Social Club), with The Lost Diary of Capt Malcolm Chang. Main attraction: New works by Van Holmgren. Side galleries: Veronica Hebard, Anna CF, Ron Wagner and Zech Ward. Click here for all the yummy details. I'll be there. Wouldn't miss Van's show for all the tasty monsters in the sea. Even with a giant side of melted butter. Be there or be me WAY back in junior high. It wasn't called a mullet back then, so piss off. Gosh!

3) SMASH, The Greatest Store in the Universe (and it is - go there and see for yourself - bring money - you'll want to buy everything they're selling), is having a name change party Nov 20 from 5-9p. Blame California for the name change. Hell, blame California for everything as far as I'm concerned. Should be a SMASH-ing good time! HA! See what I did there? Details here. Which provides a wonderful segway to...

4) I'd like you all to meet HODGE and PODGE! Two wild and crazy hedgehogs who are acting as hosts of sorts for my upcoming solo show at SMASH --- HODGEPODGE!

So when the hell is HODGEPODGE?

The show itself runs from Dec 1 - Jan 9, at SMASH (400 E Locust, East Village). The reception is Saturday, Dec 12 from 4-7p.

So what the hell is HODGEPODGE?

30+ pieces - some old, some new - reDONKulously reduced prices!

12x18 HODGEPODGE photo prints (signed, unframed) - $20 each

Various wooden blocks and HODGEPODGE gift boxes - $5 to $7

FREE HODGEPODGE bookmarks and Dead Clown Art stickers!

And SMASH will be printing HODGEPODGE t-shirts (my design) during the reception only - golden yellow on pretty much any t-shirt they offer (visit their site for options) - only $18 each! T-shirt pre-orders welcome if you can't make it to the reception. Please email me at deadclownart at yahoo dot com with t-shirt size and color preference.

Mixed crackers, gummies, fizzy drinks and the giant bucket of awesome that SMASH always has on tap will be provided

Click here to view an online version of the poster I'll be hanging up tomorrow (11/12).

Click here to view the Facebook event. Feel free to RSVP is you'll be able to make it to the reception.

I'll be hanging HODGEPODGE posters and scattering about HODGEPODGE bookmarks all over town tomorrow (11/12), much like Herbie the Hedgehog does on Hedgehog Day (not to be confused with Groundhog Day). I'd tell you when Hedgehog Day normally is, but it changes every year. This year it's on December 12th, thus the date of my reception. Hedgehog posters and bookmarks? For me? Thanks Herbie! You're the best!

Finally! Jesus! I was wondering if this train had a final car. Or if it was one of those effing forever trains.

Closing thoughts: Death to all squirrels. Sinus infections can suck it. I heart redheads. Pick up your trash. And if you text while you drive - knock it the fuck off! Common sense, she is truly dead. Rest in peace.

The End.

Best,

Chris

deadclownart dot com

By the power of Grayskull...

2009-09-30T19:32:00.000-07:00

Come on. Say it with me. You know you want to. All together now...

I HAVE THE POWER!!!

See. That wasn't so hard. Feel better, don't you? Well I do, so piss off. HA!

Okay. Right to it...

1) New - and quite favorable - review of Sebastien Doubinsky's wonderful The Babylonian Trilogy here. Haven't ordered your copy yet? Jesus. How many times do I have to tell you. It's brilliant and unlike anything you'll ever read. And it's literally covered with artwork by yours truly. Order. Receive. Read. Repeat. You can thank me later.

Slipcased hardcover for $80 here
Hardcover for $32 here

2) Recently finished 4 HEMAN-related paintings, that I'd started at a live painting session I did at Instinct Gallery, as part of Art Stop 2009...

Added them to my site - deadclownart dot com - today. And they're available for purchase in my Etsy shop here. Which provides a seamless transition to the next item...

3) I'll be showing the aforementioned HEMAN pieces - plus an older self portrait of sorts - at the October alumni art show at Grand View University. Details: ReVIEW II, The Alumni Art Series, October 2-30, Artist Reception Friday, October 23, 4-8p, The Rasmussen Center, Grand View University. Spread the word! Share the love! I'll be there with invisible bells on that don't make any noise at all.

4) I'll be showing 2 SPOOKY paintings at Creepy Crawlies - the October show - at Instinct Gallery. Details here. Should be a frightfully good time! So much spooky art fun it's scary! HA! BOO!

5) And finally- I have a name and a t-shirt image for my December show at SMASH... which I'll share with everybody later. Sorry. Totally stoked for my first one-man show! Much love to SMASH for letting me show! Haven't visited their site lately? What better time than now?

That's all I can think to tappity tap out for now my fine feathered friends. Thanks for playing. Be good to each other.

Cheers!

Chris

deadclownart dot com

nothing to blog about

2009-08-21T15:47:00.000-07:00

can't believe it's almost fucking september. where did the summer go? um, did we really even have a summer this year?

i don't recall doing summer type things. not a single trip to the pool. no water slides. no adventureland. no sunburn... actually i'm perfectly okay with that one. barely any sweet corn. barely any grilling. zero bikini tops to watch. breezy/rainy state fair???

insert the ever popular and witty/naughty acronym WTF here

ultra light post. hardly anything to pass along really.

opened up a shop on etsy.com: deadclownart.etsy.com

please look it over when you have some time. buy if you want and you're able. no pressure whatsoever.

still not able to share the smashing news i mentioned in my last post. that one down there. from july. i know - i suck at blogging. honestly i don't really enjoy it. need a bumper sticker that says I'D RATHER BE TWITTER-ING. 140 characters or less. that should be the rule for blogging as well. we could call it micro-blogging. heck, i'm already micro-blogging on Twitter. why not just follow me over there by clicking here. i'll micro-blog often there... and i'll continue to macro-blog rarely here.

have an amazingly flattering and marvelous occurrence that i'd love to share... but alas am not able. that's 2 super secret items. i feel like a highly camouflaged ninja spy. more later on both super secret items. but here's a clue of sorts for the latest. not so much a clue, but you really should be reading her work if you're not already anyway...

i'd like you to meet the incredibly talented and impossibly lovely SARAH PINBOROUGH!

i've read THE RECKONING. next of hers to read: TOWER HILL. and i hope to order and read THE LANGUAGE OF DYING from PS Publishing very soon.

her official site is exactly, precisely here. check her out! you won't regret it! great and scary stuff! think early KING. um, STEPHEN KING.

that's it and all i'm afraid. not enough that i need a nightlight or anything. well not every night. shut up! leave me alone!

take care. and if you can't take that, take candy. it's bad for your teeth, but it tastes so good!

best and cheers and rock and peace,

chris

deadclownart dot com

now with 100% less michael jackson

2009-07-04T17:44:00.000-07:00

happy 4th day of july!

break out the illegal fireworks. or settle for lame (yet quite hot) sparklers, or those black fizzy snakes that leave annoying semi-permanent burn marks on sidewalks. fleshy appendage check!

just added 5 new items to the Artwork section of my web site, for a grand total of 100 items. woo hoo! including 3 paintings i just finished today ---

Jesus Shaves
Yes He Can
Button Pusher

all a little heavier than usual for me. 1 sorta-kinda funny involving jesus. occasionally driven to create odd jesus images. not sure why. other 2 reactions to this silly & scary world we find ourselves attached.

steps up on soapbox.

there are important & sad things afoot. there are also things that pretend to be more important & sad than they really are. pay attention to the differences. regardless of what your TV tells you. don't get me wrong. very sad - yet not all that surprising - that michael jackson died. but worthy of the relentless coverage of late? no. he was a pop star. talented? yes. famous? yes. but the most important thing happening right now on this planet? hell no.

everybody deserves to be free. we know that, but our freedom was given to us. we inherited our freedom. & we take it for granted. daily. those who aren't free, & realize that they deserve to be, want the freedom that's denied them. it's hard for me to believe that there are still places that deny this basic need. 21st century my ass. sigh.

steps off soapbox. not sure why i bought that much soap to begin with. weird.

moral of the story: take a moment. put down your beer. step away from the grill. take your eyes from the loud & sparkly sky. take a deep breath in & out & appreciate how it feels to be truly free. today of all days.

be good to each other. take care of each other.

best,

chris

deadclownart dot com

Voluntarily Obligatory June Post

2009-06-06T17:14:00.000-07:00

The collective 'they' can't make me do it. But I'm perfectly willing to. Voluntarily of course. Especially after persistent, inventive & highly unorthodox 'suggesting'. My 'suggesting' has never involved a red-hot poker, fire ants & a bicycle pump. But then 'they' are working at least a little bit out of the box commonly labeled 'normal'. Arial. Bold. Red. On with the show...

Bulleted reminder type items:

Orange Alert Press is putting the finishing touches on Sunlight at Midnight, Darkness at Noon. The completely-sold-out, hand-assembled hardcover editions are looking AWESOME! See for yourself here. Order a paperback copy today. They won't last forever. Cover art by yours truly. No, the other one. Yes, me. Gosh. Sigh.

Sebastien Doubinsky's The Babylonian Trilogy is ready to ship. Order either edition from the PS Publishing site here. It's an AMAZING read! Unlike anything you have EVER read. Weird & wonderful! Order your copy today! Cover art by I furry Grover.

Tore down my portion of the May show at Instinct Gallery (downtown Des Moines). Big fuzzy thanks to Michelle Holley for letting me hang my odd two-dimensional friends! Had a blast! Ended up selling 2 pieces. Didn't expect to sell a one, so 2 is FABULOUS! Originally hung 17 pieces, & by my mediocre math selling 2 leaves me with, um, 15. Phew! Math is hard! Here they are... most of them anyway:

Sea Hag
Robot Zombie
These 3 Words
3 Muscle Men
Batman Broken Bling
Lobster Jesus
Fruit Stripe 8
Frog Man
Eat the Flintstones
Self Portrait as Demon
The Babylonian Trilogy

And finally, I received the BEST news in the world... BUT... I can't share it with you all yet. Shit & shucks, because it is filled to the tippy top with awesome-ness! Can't wait to share, but I absolutely hafta. Sorry. Will when I'm able. Promise. Rules are hard too. Sigh.

That's all for now. Thanks for playing. Be good to each other. Don't litter. Seriously. And only YOU can prevent forest fires. Just you. Without any help from anybody else. Ever. Grab a shovel & a REALLY long fire hose. Good luck!

Best comma Chris

deadclownart dot com

P period S period: Follow me on Twitter!

The Link-Filled Post

2009-05-03T17:31:00.000-07:00

Instinct Gallery. My show - etc. - in the side gallery. 17 pieces, all for sale. Artist reception Saturday, May 9th. 7p-midnight.

instinct gallery

The Babylonian Trilogy by Sebastien Doubinsky. PS Publishing has them in stock and ready to ship. Order yours now!

hardcover
slipcased hardcover

Sunlight at Midnight, Darkness at Noon - The Cunningham/McCreesh Letters. Cover by yours truly. Coming soon from Orange Alert Press. Hardcover run SOLD OUT. Paperbacks available... as of this post anyway. Reserve your copy today!

link to their blog

And finally: Added 5 new pieces to the Artwork section of the Dead Clown Art site today- Sunlight at Midnight, Darkness at Noon cover image, and 4 NEW paintings you can see at my show - etc. - next Saturday night - including Robot Zombie!!!

artwork section

Virtual hugs and kisses for the support!

Be excellent to one another!

Chris

deadclownart dot com

Dead Clown Art @ Instinct Gallery - Saturday, May 9th

2009-04-27T21:53:00.000-07:00

What do the following have in common?

» A very ill purple dinosaur TV pet
» A trio of pink Muscle Men with issues
» A slightly noxious 6-eyed mermaid
» A 2-headed bright green robot zombie
» A giant pink & sinister schizophrenic rabbit
» A battered broken Batman

Absolutely nothing!

But you can see them all - & so much more - at Instinct Gallery during the month of May!

Details:

The May show @ Instinct Gallery, 1408 Locust Street

Main gallery: 'Carnival Delights' - Featuring amazing work by Michelle Holley

FREE! FREE! FREE! The admission, not the art. Sorry.

I'll be showing 17 pieces - some old, some new - in the side gallery, with Patrick Cooney & D. Ryan Allen.

My side show - get it, side show! - is called 'etc.'.

Artist Reception - Saturday, May 9th, from 7p to midnight

Mark your calendars! I'll be there of course, hanging, sipping some wine, chatting about art, & handing out FREE Dead Clown Art stickers while supplies last. And be sure to ask me about my 'shades'.

PLEASE FORWARD THIS TO EVERYBODY YOU KNOW!

Okay, maybe not everybody. But at least the cool ones who live in the general area.

Hope to see you all there! Pack the gallery! Go art!

Thank you all for your support - of me and the Des Moines alternative art scene!

Chris Roberts, Dead Clown Art

deadclownart dot com & instinctgallery dot com

Orange Alert!

2009-04-14T21:07:00.000-07:00

Nobody panic. This is only a test.

Recently turned in cover artwork for a marvelous collection of letters called Sunlight at Midnight, Darkness at Noon - The Cunningham/McCreesh Letters, to be published very soon by Orange Alert Press. Already seeing positive feedback popping up on the www, including kind words from the co-authors, poets Cunningham and McCreesh...

"The thing is dead fucking perfect. The detail, specifically how he used exactly the typewriters the letters were composed upon is great..." -Cunningham

"I really think he delivered an excellent cover for us, I couldn't be happier." -McCreesh

I'm totally flattered. Amazing feedback from two amazing word turners. Thanks guys!

Orange Alert Press will be publishing Sunlight/Darkness in a hardcover run of 26 - all of which are SOLD OUT, and a paperback run of 100 later this spring. Pre-order your copy today!

The letters are thought provoking and roughly beautiful. And I absolutely love that they are LETTERS. Typed on typewriters. Sent via snail mail. Always lingering in the background. Just out of sight. Adds yet another layer to the entire experience. Read for yourself. Yummy links...

Cover Announcement

Book Details

Cover Image

Wonderful project, book, poets and press! Thrilled to be a part of it all!

In other news...

Not sure if I'm supposed to announce this yet, but the main show announcement is posted so...

Around 10 paintings of mine will be hanging as part of the May show at Instinct Gallery, downtown Des Moines, IA. Older pieces. Newer pieces. None of which have anything in common. Which is why I'll be calling this, my first gallery show, ETC. Fitting methinks. Totally psyched to hang at Instinct! Part of a larger show featuring the wonderful work of Michelle Holley. Opening reception details to follow.

Check out Michelle Holley here.

Check out Instinct Gallery here.

As a famous and very animated pig with a speech impediment once said- That's all folks!

Take care of each other. Be nice to each other.

Best,

Chris Roberts, Dead Clown Art

deadclownart dot com

P.S. Nothing rhymes with RODENT.

Insert generic blog entry here

2009-03-26T21:40:00.000-07:00

New bumper sticker idea- I'd rather be Twitter-ing. Sadly, some drivers probably are. Swerve! Screech! Crash!

What are you doing?

Twitter-ing while driving. note to self- cruise control does not = auto pilot. my bad. lots of honking. screeching. then CRASH!

driver of the other car yelled at me. hit me in my nose. nose bleeding. ow! sniff. good news- iPhone intact. go for next Tweet! WOOT!

Both under 140 characters even. I am the king of nothing. All hail the king.

New painting promised. New promised painting. Promised new painting.

here

Spare $200 burning a hole in your trousers? Throw some baking soda on both the $200 and your trousers. Send the $200 to me. Plus shipping. I'll send you the painting. Nobody has to get hurt. Money for painting. And if I even smell a cop, I'll send the painting to you one piece at a time. Whoa! Sorry about that. Release your inner mobster, huh? Release him!

Shameless reminder of the upcoming PS Publishing release of The Babylonian Trilogy by Sebastien Doubinsky. Pre-order it. Read it. Love it. I sure as shit did. So tasty. Nom. Nom. Nom.

here

Barrels of free time? No monkeys or pickles to fill them with? Follow me on Twitter! It's like virtual monkeys and pickles, but with words, and for the soul. Deep. True.

here

Pretty soon we'll be jotting down 3 random words on Post-It Notes, sticking them to fire hydrants and light poles, and all of the crazy bus people and homeless folks will be our friends.

I'll go first: Nose. Weasel. Sugar.

Who's next?

Hugs and kisses, represented for no apparent reason by 2 unrelated alphabet characters.

Best,

Chris Roberts, Dead Clown Art

deadclownart dot com

Super Rapid Quick Fast Post

2009-03-05T20:25:00.000-08:00

Long time no blog. I totally suck at blogging. Or maybe it's that I suck at being interesting.

As promised, a super rapid quick fast post...

1- Bacon Fest was awesome! I didn't even die. Pics on Facebook soon.

2- I'm on Facebook. This probably should have been item number 1. But then who isn't on Facebook.

3- I'm also on Twitter. Find it much easier to pretend to be interesting in less than 140 characters.

4- Just realized I already posted about my being Twitter-fied. Maybe nobody will notice. Fingers crossed.

5- Finished a new painting. Its new-ness officially starts to deteriorate... now.

6- I'll post a pic of said new painting shortly. Here & on Facebook.

7- Wow! This isn't a super rapid quick fast post at all. Wrap it up jackass.

8- And finally, two glowing reviews for the soon-to-be-released (mid 2009) The Babylonian Trilogy by Sebastien Doubinsky. One here. The other here. Cover artwork by yours truly.

9- And one review/synopsis for The Pilo Family Circus by Will Elliott (out now). Review here. Likewise, cover credit = I furry Grover.

10- What kind of list only has 9 items? Really? 9 items? Couldn't come up with 10? Wait a minute. I've got it!

Well, it's a blog entry. It's current. Room temperature even.

Be nice to each other for piss sake. There are enough problems swirling around our heads like vultures right now. Certainly don't need MEAN added to the mix.

Best,

Chris Roberts, Dead Clown Art

deadclownart dot com

All a Twitter!

2009-01-25T18:02:00.000-08:00

Recently persuaded to Twitter. So now I Twitter. I'm Twitter-ing. Consider me Twitter-fied.

Do you Twitter?

Which is NOT to nervously tremble like a chilly bird, so if you thought it was THAT, and answered YES, try again.

Follow me. I'll probably follow you. I'm like that. Really put up a fight when persuaded to join Twitter, huh? I'm easy.

What's new with Dead Clown Art?

Nothing. Sadly nothing. Postcards mailed to various destinations. Waiting. Will hopefully pick up some more book cover work. Soon. Twiddling thumbs. Both of them. Not bored. Personal work. Here and there.

Do you Twitter? Did I already ask that? Silly me.

Chris, Dead Clown Art
deadclownart dot com

Happy Holidays!

2008-12-19T19:58:00.000-08:00

Happy Holidays from Dead Clown Art! From all of ME to all of YOU!

Hope your 2009 is filled with way more awesome-ness than you could ever hope to handle!

Chris Roberts, Dead Clown Art

deadclownart dot com

Now with more fiber!

2008-12-13T17:53:00.000-08:00

Ooo! So fibrous!

Got my copy of Rained/Medicine from PS Publishing last week. Looks f-ing amazing! They put out such fabulous editions! Signed by Ray Bradbury and Caitlin Kiernan. Tons of extras. A fine looking set! Marvelous add to our already overflowing book shelf.

Took some pics of the book itself and slapped them all together here:

Also of note:

Had a great time at the 2008 Iowa Crossroads Conference! Great art... great music... great people! Met the lovely Cat Rocketship. We both admitted to not being very good at the mingling thing, talked about the local art scene, and hung out by the very large smoked salmon for a bit. Please check her work out at pleaseobey.com. She does some amazing work! See for yourself.

Another conference highlight- the MN band Pictures of Then. Talent to spare, and yes Casey, the lead singer's jeans were pretty amazing. Check them out at picturesofthen.com. Better live than what I heard on the demo I picked up at the conference, but really good stuff. And final conference note: Thank you Christina and Casey for stopping by! Really great seeing you both & totally appreciate the support. Hope you enjoy your complimentary prints.

Not that anybody reading this will be able to check this out, but I was recently featured in an internal magazine at ING - my day job - called ING Matters. The snip was focused on what ING employees do after hours. No, not that after hours. And since I'm not a vampire or an exotic dancer (any longer), I talked about my art. I might post the clip at some point, or I might forget. Either way, consider it blogged.

That should bring everybody up to date. Nothing else to report. You can stop reading now. No, really, that's all I have for you this time around. I'm serious. Later. Peace out. Okay... now it's just getting creepy. Bye now. So long. The end.

Chris

deadclownart.com

P.S. Why are people so genuinely surprised when wild animals do wild things? They're wild animals. Doesn't matter where they are. Put a tiger in a zoo... still a tiger. Shark in a swimming pool? Yep, still a shark. But that monkey is so adorable Chris! How adorable is it when it's beating you to death with your own f-ing arm? Um, not very adorable. Gosh.

Another P.S. Haven't bought Loyalty to Loyalty by Cold War Kids yet? Why the hell not? It's amazing! Not on the FIRST listen, but every listen after that... it's one of those CDs. If it wasn't for Radiohead releasing In Rainbows this year, Loyalty to Loyalty would be my pick for CD of 2008. Buy it already, damn!

coldwarkids.com

Who the flock is Chris Roberts?

2008-11-14T20:19:00.000-08:00

Ray Bradbury and, um, Chris who?

PS Publishing just released the 2-volume deluxe edition of Ray Bradbury's marvelous short story collection(s) The Day It Rained Forever and A Medicine For Melancholy! My artwork is wrapped around the second book, A Medicine For Melancholy. PS also released two single-volume versions - which are both much less expensive - but only the deluxe edition contains my artwork. So there. HA!

I really like both covers. They're dramatically different, as you can see by clicking...

here

The single-volume cover is very representative of the short story that shares that version's title. While mine is much more abstract, hopefully capturing the feel of the entire collection, not one specific story. That's what I was going for anyway. Feel free to decide for yourself.

Here's the full cover:

That's all for now. Until next time-

Drink milk. Sleep. Watch TV. Read. Walk. Hiccup. Snore. Eat sandwiches. Whatever it is you do.

Peace,

Chris Roberts, Dead Clown Art

deadclownart dot com

P.S. Isn't anybody going to congratulate me on my 20th post? Um, I didn't think so. Grin!

New Cafe Press products & such & stuff

2008-10-26T17:25:00.000-07:00

Stickers and shirts and hats, oh my!

Deleted old merchandise, added new to my Cafe Press store. Check out the new stuff here.

New products:

3 t-shirts (2 designs, 1 of which is quite funny, & don't tell me you've never seen a girl or 5 out at the bars who wouldn't absolutely CLAW for one!)

1 military cap

1 sea creature filled mousepad

1 yellow face demon button & magnet

2 stickers that speak for themselves (as stickers often do)

Buy with confidence from Cafe Press!

Coming soon... Lobster Jesus!

And 2 additional items...

Additional item #1: Lots of new work up at deadclownart dot com (Artwork section). 4 more pieces drying & waiting to be photo-fied. Getting oodles of paintings together for the Iowa Crossroads Conference 08 (December 3rd & 4th). I furry Grover was picked (1 of 9 artists, picked from 25) to show some of my work, & I'm very excited to do so. Should be a hoot!

Additional item #2: Vote Obama/Biden on Nov. 4th. If you didn't vote early (I did!), PLEASE vote on election day. Nobody's gonna do it for you, that's for damn sure.

Change is just a pen mark/lever pull/button push away! Mark, pull or push- just VOTE!

Thanks for reading! Best to all!

Chris

Obama/Biden 2008

dead clown overhaul

2008-09-03T21:17:00.000-07:00

when a regular old HAUL won't mutt the custard... it's time to break out, throw down and otherwise scatter about...

THE OVERHAUL

in as few words as possible...

my dead clown site was getting a little old, a tad rusty, and a bit squeaky. but one labor day weekend later...

brand spanking new, rust free, and squeaky clean! [insert shiny noise here]

visited recently? you'll notice a HUGE difference! haven't visited? WHY THE HELL NOT? DAMN! [wink!]

site whore or site virgin, check out the new and improved:

deadclownart dot com

comments welcome. thanks for looking!

chris

"dead clowning around since 1996"

p.s. need an odd illustration or painting? always looking for new projects, and every project is negotiable. send me an email at deadclownart at yahoo dot com.

pilo is loose & breaking noose

2008-08-16T22:55:00.000-07:00

okay, so news doesn't rhyme with loose. but noose does. best i could do on short notice. big news post, so pay attention- both of you...

big news item #1:

PS Publishing recently started shipping Will Elliott's The Pilo Family Circus! had both editions - hardcover and slipcased hardcover (and signed) - waiting patiently for me on my front step last thursday night. they're both stunning! couldn't take my eyes off of them all night! so weird and amazing to see little old my artwork covering these two well-crafted, high-quality, top notch books!

PS puts out such amazing editions! Order one - Pilo or anything else in their catalog (current or forthcoming) - and see for yourself. you won't be disappointed!

front cover of the regular hardcover edition (click pic to view without border):

back cover of the regular hardcover edition (click pic to view without border):

slipcased hardcover edition (click pic to view without border):

here's the link to the hardcover edition:

Pilo hardcover

order your copy today! you won't be able to put it down... i mean unless you need to pee or get a beer or feed a pet or something.

big news item #2:

Fahrenheit 451
The Martian Chronicles
Something Wicked This Way Comes

anybody?

ever heard of RAY BRADBURY? he's positively immortal, and if you haven't read anything by him before, you need to. so how could i possibly be connected to RAY BRADBURY?

PS Publishing is re-releasing a short story collection by Bradbury called The Day It Rained Forever. Rained was originally published back in the late 50s in the UK. the collection was also published in the US, but it was called A Medicine For Melancholy. 22 stories each, but Rained contains 4 stories that Medicine does not, and vice versa. PS will release a regular hardcover edition and a slipcased hardcover edition of Rained; as well as a 2-volume DELUXE edition that will include both Rained AND A Medicine For Melancholy.

that's where i come in...

the publisher at PS asked me (via email) to put together the cover artwork for Medicine, for the DELUXE edition... and i immediately fell out of my chair. RAY freaking BRADBURY! i mean i've already had such an incredible time putting together the covers for Babylonian (late 2008) and Pilo (out now)... but BRADBURY? i read the email again, carefully, to make sure i hadn't grossly misunderstood the request. checked the calendar- nope, not april 1st. WOO and HOO!

so i turned in the final cover at the end of july, and all 3 editions of Rained (including the DELUXE edition) will be available for purchase end 2008. book details:

The Day It Rained Forever
a collection by Ray Bradbury
publication date: End 2008
Introduction: Caitlin Kiernan
Regular Hardcover: $40
Slipcased Hardcover: $100

Deluxe 2-Volume Slipcased Hardcover
Print Run: 100 copies
Signed by both Ray Bradbury and Caitlin Kiernan
$500

and no, i didn't put too many zeros on that last price. my cover will adorn the 2nd book in a set that costs 500 clams. shit you not. so if you're a rabid Bradbury fan and you have an extra $500 that's just burning a hole in your pocket- this is the book for you. pre-order now!

here's the link to the DELUXE edition:

Rained deluxe

the full cover image (small) is available in the News Room section of the PS web site. check it out! had such a blast putting it together! really happy with the way it turned out- hope you enjoy it as well.

okay- time to blow this prom date. was going to tell you all a very funny joke about moles and pancakes, but i've already gone on way too long, so it'll have to wait for the next post... and who knows when that will be. this blog is about quality, not quantity (he cleverly types in hindsight). moles and pancakes...

peace and lovely butter'd toast!

chris

deadclownart.com

send in the clowns (gulp!)...

2008-05-11T08:09:00.000-07:00

you really have no idea how much that title frightens me... it's no accident that i named my illustration/painting/etc. company dead clown art. only clown is a dead clown and all. so why the brave title?

thanks for asking! posting to announce that my full color wraparound cover (plus cover design) for the upcoming (middle 2008) creepy and outstanding novel 'The Pilo Family Circus' by Will Elliott, is damn near ready for press!

here's the cover:

details about the novel:

'The Pilo Family Circus'
a novel by Will Elliott
publication date: Middle 2008
Slipcased hardcover: $100 (print run 200 copies)
Regular hardcover: $40 (print run 500 copies)
Introduction: John Berlyne
to be published by UK-based PS Publishing

link to the novel page on the PS site (slipcased hardcover edition):

novel page

PS Publishing has published books by Ramsey Campbell, Ray Bradbury, Joe Hill, and Stephen King, just to name a few. check out their site here.

other news: still picking stories to eventually edit for a horror short story collection (currently untitled) to be released by Another Sky Press later 2008. very excited to be working with the visionary Kristopher Young again!

also: trying to find time to paint - grumble - not having much luck in that department. do have two very weird ideas for paintings, once time and i are on speaking terms again:

goat woman with a long, intricate, open coat, exposing hundreds of breasts, creepy crawly bugs, stars and such...

two happy naked men with alligator masks holding hands and hot dogs, standing on a watermelon canoe, floating on water, eyeballs and rub off letters littering the night sky...

um, apologies in advance. thanks for playing!

chris

obama button thingy

2008-03-04T19:26:00.000-08:00

tiny post. mini post. wee post. micro post.

listen. watch. read. pay attention. then...

support obama! vote obama! obama 2008!

see for yourself at:

barackobama.com

check out this nifty Yahoo obama button thingy:

See latest stories on Yahoo! News

i leave you with 3 magical words: chocolate bacon bar. oh, & yum. so that's like nearly 4 words...

chris

pesky panting pointy painted demon...

2008-01-28T18:22:00.000-08:00

so much P in that title, reckon i need a tinkle... ahhh!

hello & welcome to the future. not only posting because i feel foolishly guilty that i haven't since october of 2007. not that anybody's reading this, again, but if somebody did - even just 1 person - i'd hate to push them away with the ancient date of my most recent post. too rude. so welcome, 1 random person! "another post about demons? what the hell?" exactly!

but not quite... actually a post to announce that i'm painting. i mean i've always painted, just on smaller pieces of paper & cardboard. all the better to scan you with my dear. but haven't painted larger format for, like, ever. totally. so i pulled out my wood... from my garage ladies! gosh. gutter minds. turned out 2 very mixed media paintings on wood. about 2'x2' each. originals & high quality giclee prints available for sale on my site - color section:

deadclownart.com

my favorite of the 2:

description from my site:

Self Portrait as Demon
Medium: Mixed media on wood (21.5x25)
Client: Personal, for sale
Description: The title pretty much says it all. Little old me, but with demon ears instead of people ears. Lesser demon of course. Who has the time? Hobby really. Grin! Not sure why I painted a self portrait exactly. Not a vain act. More like wearing a mask... but permanently... and somewhere other than your face. Something I'm not entirely, and without any risk.
Print Available? Yes: 12x18 giclee print- $41.40 + shipping; 12x18 photographic print- $9 + shipping; Original- $500 + shipping

interested in a print? interested in an original? just want to send me $ for no other reason than you have too f-ing much of it? send me an email.

probably not a very wise move, throwing my email address out for the spam vultures... but spam vultures, couple of things to keep in mind:

i get my prescriptions from an actual pharmacy... i really doubt you're going to ship me a Wii if i visit your site... i find it very amusing that the words 'scam' & 'spam' rhyme (there's a poem there, i'm sure of it)... & finally- i may not be able to break a cinder block with my penis, but it's perfectly long enough, thank you very much- keep your magic beans to yourself.

vent complete. exit program. beep.

okay. there you have it. your weekly, um, month-- no, um quarterly (?) blog. hope you're all breathing well in this cyber space we find ourselves. gasp!

fleece & glove-ly muttered ghost...

chris

p.s. when november rolls around, please VOTE OBAMA! i'm not the most political guy on this spinning rock, but i do know that BARACK OBAMA needs to be our next president. have you heard him speak? if not, please do. listen carefully. that's the sound of change. it's f-ing deafening. YELL YOUR VOTE!

barackobama.com

beware fish-man-dog-bird...

2007-10-21T18:38:00.000-07:00

i'm being totally cereal here. super cereal. it's half fish, half man, half dog, half bird... & that's a whole gaggle of halves, my friends. an entire gaggle.

quick post to announce that my artwork for the cover of the upcoming - wonderful & weird - novel 'The Babylonian Trilogy' has been accepted!!!

so here's the full wraparound cover:

details about the novel:

'The Babylonian Trilogy'
a novel by Sebastien Doubinsky
publication date: Early 2008
Slipcased hardcover: $100 (print run 200 copies)
Regular hardcover: $40 (print run 500 copies)
Introduction: Michael Moorcock
to be published by UK-based PS Publishing

link to the cover artwork announcement on the PS site (scroll down to the oct. 19th post at 17:13):

news item

link to the novel page on the PS site (slipcased hardcover edition):

novel page

PS Publishing has published books by Ramsey Campbell, Ray Bradbury, Joe Hill, and Stephen King. just to name a few. so check out their site. order a couple books while you're there. you won't regret it- trust me!

that's all i can think to add at this time...

all but a thought:

have you ever thought about how racist tanning salons are?

and a silly story:

i drove by a building that had a big red vertical banner on it that said CONDORS. at least i thought it said CONDORS. closer look & it actually said CONDOS. which was far less interesting. i think i'm going to put up a big red vertical banner that actually says CONDORS. someday. somewhere. just wait. you'll see.

all for now. kinda thirsty. almost sleepy. fingers sore from typing. gulp. yawn. snap crackle pop.

late uh gate uh

chris

deadclownart.com

and the worst blogger award goes to...

2007-10-02T18:52:00.000-07:00

i furry grover. gasp! has it really been nearly four freaking months? my mad calendar skills are nodding up and down, up and down. um, hell yes, dumb ass! where you been? wow!

quick list of updates since the last post:

• busy busy mf busy.
• promoted the hell out of 'falling from the sky'. including small book reading in DSM.
• flew out to portland with the fam. vacation and attend an amazing wedding.
• met kristopher young. his adorable now-wife christine. amazing and generous! felt at home. miss portland. met my favorite portland painter jesse reno. and many of the authors from the anth. including the calm-yet-crazy carlton mellick iii. and jeremy robert johnson. so much talent to burn. fire extinguishers- check!
• handful of published illustrations. visit my site (below) to view them see them eyeball them.
• recently landed a full color wraparound cover for a crazy and unique novel called 'babylonian trilogy'. to be published early 2008 by an absolutely stunning UK press called PS Publishing. will be available in slipcase and hardcover editions. so excited about this project. might pee. PS Publishing site at left and below. great books- check em out!
• just finished the 20 x 30 painting for the cover. having it 'shot to digital' tomorrow night by my very talented photog friend, robert whicker.
• also working up a holiday postcard for the UK press PS. should be cool. need to get cracking. nearly tis the season.
• hopefully there will be more work to follow from PS. fingers firmly crossed.

other recent interests:

• reading joe hill's short story collection '20th century ghosts'. some wonderfully scary shit inside. bevare!
• listening to a quirky and marvelous new CD by jesca hoop. in the car. can't remember the title. tom waits loves her and so will you. guaranteed or, um, you're stuck with a CD that you don't like all that much. but you will- promise!

okay. enough for now. dang nabbit needy fans! (giggle) might want to read this post very slowly. or over and over and over, because you never know when i'll strike again. could be tomorrow. aha! could be another four months. boo! who the eff uck knows?

peace and lovely butter'd toast!

chris

dead clown art
PS Publishing

ah! sweet release...

2007-05-11T22:25:00.000-07:00

busy as bees. buzz buzz buzz.

it's official- falling from the sky has been released!

it's out! it's loose! free to roam the countryside looking for fluffy tasty sheep. plump peasant children. gulp!

legless, but with so much to say. pick up a copy. hold it close to your ear like a shell. shhh. listen...

"but alas and gasp, how ever do i order this amazing collection of stories which are short?"

fabulous question...

anothersky.org

or amazon, borders, barnes and noble, etc.

hopefully it will soon be everywhere! look up in the sky. blink. see it? reach out. blink. catch!

note: the base price went down recently. now at $6.25 base + contribution. drop $12, $15, $20. again, you won't regret it!

should have my copies early next week. can't wait! pretty f-ing giddy, i must say!

related note: i'll be promoting falling from the sky, and the other another sky press releases, next weekend (may 18-20) - dealer table at the des moines sci fi fantasy convention. can't wait to get my geek on! i'll try to post pics the following week.

okay. sleepy. eyes hurt. pillow time. yawn. sleep well all.

chris

deadclownart.com
anothersky.org

meet joe hill

2007-03-21T22:06:00.000-07:00

joe hill signing his novel 'heart-shaped box'. not my photo. credit to 'sybil' (joehillfiction.com message board). pulled this pic because the old bag i gave joe found its way into the shot. quite rad. quick old bag story- my dad is a mortician (funeral director). odd, vital, sad, amazing pursuit. not surprisingly more about the living left behind than the dead and gone. he bought the bag in question at the sale of a funeral home. the mortician that operated this funeral home... died. my dad bought, among other mortician-phernalia, the instrument bag of a dead mortician. isn't it ironic? don't you think? and wonderfully appropriate for my dad, me, and joe hill. you'll have to read his novel 'heart-shaped box' to appreciate why.

met joe hill at the central library in des moines, iowa. no idea what he was doing in des moines, but really glad he dropped anchor in the 'big city'. legitimately generous and nice guy. great reading. funny, bright, interesting answers to questions i'm sure he's been asked 100 times. sorry joe. imagine repetition is part of the price of fame. imagine repetition is part of the price of fame. he looks like i imagine his dad looked at his age. thin. bearded. bespectacled. comic book geeky. signed my book. we chatted about 'heart-shaped box' and neil gaiman for a book-signing-appropriate 3-4 minutes. gave him the dead mortician's instrument bag. 97% ghost free. never knew the mortician. hard to say. shrug.

official 'heart-shaped box' web site: joehillfiction.com

other news: the short story collection 'falling from the sky' (see last post for complete details) is coming along nicely. looking at an april 15th release date. if you haven't pre-ordered your copy yet, please do- you won't regret it. it's pretty ridiculous how much f-ing donkey this book is gonna kick! see for yourself at: falling from the sky

okay. all blogged out. time to blow this prom date.

quick recap: 'heart-shaped box' by joe hill- buy it. 'falling from the sky' by another sky press- buy it. DVDs, Rug Doctors, bowling shoes- rent em. enjoy!

peace and lovely butter'd toast.

chris

dead clown art

pre-order! pre-order! pre-order!

2007-01-21T19:08:00.000-08:00

the short story collection Falling from the Sky is now available for pre-order!

44 stories. 37 authors. approx. 340 pgs. 6x9 quality paperback. full-color cover by chris, um, something-or-other.

$12 base price, but please 'donate' more. $15! $20! $25! $30! worth every penny? HELL YES!!!

click here to be directed to the main Falling from the Sky page:

Falling from the Sky

from the main Falling from the Sky page:

cutting edge fiction for cutting edge minds. grit-lit. urban. surrealist. raw. outsider. bizarro. fringe. experimental. subtle. in your face. 44 stories from 37 authors spanning the globe: united states. japan. australia. united kingdom. canada. we bring you the future of literature Falling from the Sky.

fortunate enough & freaking thrilled to be 1 of the 37 authors, with 2 of the 44 stories in the collection. here's an excerpt from 1 of my stories, Plastic Meow:

car horn? gun shot? dog bark? something sudden nearly woke. rolled over. brief disconnect. eyes rolling. flip book. hundreds thousands millions even. little plastic wind-up toys. made in china. made in japan. korea. indonesia. multicolored glistening plastic animals. gleaming jumpy bouncy flippy floppy things. need to keep them hopping or he cuts me. it cuts me. wind or cut. wound or wound. arm a bloody mess. pirate accordion. didn’t do it to myself honest. wobbly weak arm. damaged dangly worthless snake. twist twist twist twist. keep em going. keep em going. some all 1 of them. wound tight. had nearly 100 going at once. all at once. awe. hypnotised. spaced off. moment to nap. whirr-flip. whirr-flip. whirr-flip. clang! clang! clang! clang! tiny plastic gear’d chaos. so loud quiet. clumsy random lullaby. blink. pink hoppy rabbit. brown nutty chittering squirrel. yellow chirp chirp chirping chick. that monkey. that monkey with the hat and/or cymbals and/or drum. serial killer grin. you know what monkey i’m talking about that monkey. close your eyes. space out. awake. asleep. whoosh. slash. it came from above. no warning. only sharp and slick. blurry creature. too quick. never saw it. less than a blink. another gash. so clean. doesn’t even bleed... for another blink. gush. blood on glimmering rainbow plastic. whirr-flip. whirr-flip. oh my the blood. ache. colder. twist. twist. gosh. wind-up toys flickering. here not-here. millions. thousands. hundreds. one. bouncy blue blurry cat. evil grin. holding a box? tattered box? beep! beep! beep! beep! blink. back on my back in my attic. whirr-flip.

so buy a copy... or two... or five... pass this post around to everybody you know! Another Sky Press is the future of publishing. but don't take my word for it- see for yourself. you'll thank me...

thanks for your support! read free!

chris

deadclownart.com

button, button, who's got the button?

2006-12-29T18:52:00.000-08:00

so... like the new layout? ooo! look at all the pretty dots! mesmerising, ain't they?

final post of 2006. ready?

long stoplight. red. to our right. birds on a wire. small birds left. big birds right. same size small. same size big. perfectly perfectly perfectly spaced. odd. small birds. big birds. apart. divided. split. wire-archy...

but seriously... added 7 new buttons to my dead clown button store:

dead clown buttons

check em out. buy a couple. mine. others. so many to choose from. where will i prick them all?

here's one of em. my favorite for so many reasons:

now imagine it as a tiny 1" round button. see butter jesus post just south of here for details. it's not a t-shirt... yet. oh yes, there will be a t-shirt. moo hoo ha ha!

other news: the short story anthology - falling from the sky - should be ready for sale january/february 2007. should be $10-$12 base price- but please pay more. $15? $17? $20? please visit the another sky press link at left for more information about the anthology, & another sky press. again- amazing stuff happening at this press. i'm thrilled & honor'd to be involved.

okay. 2007 lingers just off stage... anxious, nervous, noticeably warmer, light jacket, wide eyed, cigarette at lip, ash too long, foot tapping, tapping, tapping...

happy new year? we'll see...

more quiet. more calm. more peace.

chris

easy bake oven says...

2006-12-04T07:02:00.000-08:00

a) i suck at blogging! last post in october? really?

b) i don't often have anything remotely interesting to relay to the 'masses'.

c) we just got our windows replaced - all 13 of them! AND our sliding glass door! woo hoo!

i know. way too much to absorb all at once, so i'll break it down- they took the old windows OUT. then they put brand spanking new windows IN. exactly where the old ones had been. i know. then they took our OLD sliding glass door OUT, and put a NEW sliding glass door IN.

no shit!

in review- OLD windows & sliding glass door OUT... NEW windows & sliding glass door IN...

if you're still reading this- come on! really? honestly nothing better to do? your boss would probably disagree. your wife would certainly beg to differ. stop reading all the blogs! you're like a blog-aholic! call 1-800-BLOGS-OFF. you'll thank me!

(now that i've typed 1-800-BLOGS-OFF, i'm curious if that # exists... yet)

okay. i do have 1 exciting morsel of news. the short story anthology - Falling From The Sky - i'm working on with Another Sky Press is nearing completion. 40 stories by 35 authors - from all over the world baby!

cover's done. contracts out. closer & closer. so excited i could pee! this anth is going to be massive. visit anothersky.org for details & updates. everybody needs to read this anth! everybody! so once it's out- pass it around!

okay. need to finish up. window guys'll be here in like 6 minutes to finish up. that's right. it's aluminum flashing day. outside trim will NEVER need to be painted again. no joke!

visit deadclownart.com
visit anothersky.org

visit your grandmother for christ's sake! think she's gonna be around forever?

peace & lovely butter'd toast!

chris

dead clown art is, um, alive?

2006-10-08T19:34:00.000-07:00

hey diddle diddle. quick post to announce my new web site is ready. url below. but first...

suck movie alert! just wasted $3 on the wicker man. dang! nic cage. what the hell? looking for redemption in ghost rider. if ghost blows, never again nic, never again.

it's weird. not even good weird. just randomly weird. not at all scary. mostly takes place in broad daylight, which made it even less scary. sprinkling of hot women... but of course no boobs. really good movies don't need boobs. really bad movies? boobs couldn't hurt. no pace. okay story handled poorly. not as horribly written as it was acted. horror-film-music-swells on shit like:

'gasp! somebody stole my bike! how will i get around this godforsaken witch-filled island now?'

'bees! bees! oh the bees! but i'm allergic to bees! so many hives! they can't possibly all sting me! keep running!'

'ahhh! a crow just flew out of that wooden desk! an actual crow! what the hell is going around here?'

'running through the woods... broad daylight... chased by girls wearing animal masks... dressed like a grizzly bear to blend in, oddly enough. what if they catch me? god, but my legs are sore. stupid grizzly bear costume! grrr!'

you get the picture. i'd say you have to see it to believe me... but then you'd have to see it. trust me - don't.

okay. enough about 'the wicker man' & its utter suck-ness. on to something that at least i think doesn't suck... or at least sucks less. my new web site.

deadclownart.com

no clowns were harmed in the making of this site, or the artwork on this site. um, except for blinky. but he was really quite ill before i even started putting the site together. moment of silence for blinky. he was a... well, um... clown. okay. moment's over. check out my site. let me know what you think.

just click on the shiny red nose. you know you want to...

happy columbus day! i'm sure all the native americans out there can't get enough of columbus day. woo hoo! thanks ever so much spain! vikings beat you to it anyway...

oh, & happy thanksgiving to everybody up in canada! not exactly sure why canada even has thanksgiving... or why it's in october. stupid american, what do i know?

more calm. more peace.

chris

buttons. buttons. buttons.

2006-09-21T19:16:00.000-07:00

good morning/afternoon/evening. quick entry of blog to let you all know that i now have buttons --- buttons coming out my ears, buttons coming out my donkey...

check 'em out at prickie.com. tee hee! yes, i'm a boy. i have a boy brain & boy parts. i find that juvenile-e & infantile-y humorous...

as i find 'duty' funny...

as i find 'poop' funny...

as i find 'weiner' uncontrollably freaking hilarious!

i'm currently offering 20 odd buttons. check out the hundreds of other buttons on prickie.com (ha!) as well. buy a couple buttons for yourself, couple for your friends. inexpensive & unique gifts.

buy 6 buttons --- FREE shipping. everybody likes FREE shit. even when said shit is a service not a thing.

reminds me of an old saying: you've gotta spend your $ on something... might as well be buttons.

weiner... tee hee!

more peace. more calm. more quiet.

chris
bar-code-art.com

p.s. coming soon... Dead Clown Art!

john mark karr, crocodile hunter, butter jesus

2006-09-06T19:22:00.000-07:00

so many posts i've lost count. that absolutely must be it. quick post for all my avid readers. more of a list really. try to keep up.

1) john mark karr. thank butter jesus he's out of the news. thinking of going on cafepress.com. gonna makes myself a t-shirt. black on grey? brown on tan? not sure. john mark karr mug shot. 1 word below: WANNABE. or maybe: POSER. but i'm not going to cafepress.com. not gonna makes myself a t-shirt. not with john mark karr on it (see butter jesus item below). far too much time wasted on that creepy prankster. shiver. oh yes, he should go to jail for something. if not for the jon benet murder, how about simply for looking f-ing spooky. can't we send somebody to prison for giving the general public the heebie jeebies? how about 3 yrs in general population for vacant staring with intent to do something really degrading & dastardly? OK. enough about no-blinky mr. karr. blech! now i need to shower.

2) the crocodile hunter died! what the hell? i've got nothing but good things to say about steve the crocodile hunter. i feel horrible that he's dead. horrible for his wife & kids. horrible for his fans. the kind & gentle stingray basically stabbed him in the chest with its poisonous barb. steve pulled it out... who wouldn't have. nasty sharp barb poking out my chest, i'm gonna remove it. BAD kind & gentle stingray! damn! the crocodile hunter shouldn't have gone out like that. yes, it's morbidly fitting he was killed by a wild animal, considering his chosen profession... but it should have been a monster 12 foot croc that killed him! not a floaty, whispy stingray. all captured on tape. i really hope the tape never surfaces. bad enough he's dead. moment of silence for steve the crocodile hunter. may he rest in peace.

3) OK. co-worker/friend told me about a fair - county, state, whatever - in this bible-thumping, god-fearing, fire-&-brimstone country of ours... that showcased a butter jesus. that's right... jesus carved out of butter. hallelujah! pass the crescent rolls! can i get an amen & some bing cherry jam? i live in IA, proud of it, fine place to live. our state fair showcases sundry carved butter things. why this year we had a butter cow & a butter brandon routh as superman. but a butter jesus? take & eat indeed. on toast. with honey. or meltin' on a sweet ear o' corn. woo hoo! thank you jesus! so NOW i'm going to cafepress.com. gonna makes me a whole other t-shirt entirely. to hell with john mark karr- literally. this one's gonna be yellow on brown... picture of jesus holdin' a dinner roll, nice meltin' pat of butter on top... big words above & to the left of jesus & his tasty, steamy dinner roll... I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S NOT JESUS! any takers? cuz i would totally wear THAT t-shirt. fabio ain't got nothin' on the j-man.

how's that for variety, huh? john mark karr. steve the croc hunter. jesus christ. odd company indeed.

need sleep. just updated my site. added a couple b&w & color illustrations. more links. more links. check it out at:

bar-code-art.com

kisses. -cr

outside the lines & bacon

2006-08-03T19:35:00.000-07:00

post the 3rd. nobody's reading... my plan is working splendidly! thought i'd mention again that another sky press is taking pre-orders for jesse reno's new coloring book - yes coloring book, but unlike you've ever seen before. here's the 411, fo shizzle:

Outside the Lines: A Coloring Book by Jesse Reno, $3.81 base price (includes shipping), but please add a contribution. $3.81 is a flip-tacular steal, trust me! $13.81 (base price + $10 contribution) = signed copy. $53.81 (base price + $50 contribution) = signed & #d copy, with an original, one-of-a-kind sketch on the inside front cover of the coloring book. i think they'll even throw in a free regular copy for those that drop an extra $50. worth every penny. already pre-order'd a signed copy myself.

how would one pay for this unique coloring book? online with Paypal or Google Checkout... OR check or money order to another sky press. no Google Checkout for the regular copy yet - Paypal or check or money order - but coming soon.

related links:

visit another sky press
visit jesse reno

ok. enough about another sky... at least for this post. on to bacon...

i love bacon! absolutely adore it! totally worth the heart attack that's waiting patiently for me when i turn 53. 53's a ways off, leaving me plenty of time to enjoy bacon! ham's OK. pork chops? take em or leave em. but bacon! oh my god! i'd like to take a moment to thank all the dirty stinking stupid pigs out there that will later be my bacon- thank you dirty stinking stupid pigs out there that will later be my bacon! i love you! not yet... oh, but i will. damn!

bacon for breakfast. bacon on cheeseburgers. bacon wrapped around those little water chestnuts, dipped in BBQ sauce. what would a BLT be without bacon? i'll tell you what- just a lame LT, that's what! how boring & shitty would that be? better yet, how boring & shitty would LIFE be without our greasy yummy marvelous friend BACON? you know the answer, go ahead, say it. yep, pretty boring & shitty. fo sizzle!

OK. all for now. couple quick parting comments:

1) check out the CD Where's Neil When You Need Him. compilation of songs based on some of his (neil gaimain's) stunning collection of work. artwork by dave mckean as well. can't go wrong.

2) check out the CD The Eraser by thom yorke. kinda minimalist radiohead, but very enjoyable.

3) eat more bacon. what else are we gonna do with all of the vile & nasty, shit-rollin' creatures? really? PETA- no talking in class! we've been over this... eat your bacon. it can't help how nummy it is. do it for the pigs. thank you.

peace out! CR

visit bar code art

passing hydrating demons on sidewalks

2006-07-17T20:04:00.000-07:00

post the second. so. hotter than hell itself outside. various demons visiting. summer vacation. bring the kids. shit. passed one on the sidewalk. drinking lemonade. bitching about the heat. a demon. yep, it's that hot. little one screaming 'i want ice cream!' dad one sweating. just ignore him. maybe he'll spontaneously combust. one less mouth to feed. horn to sharpen. passed another with one of those spray-fan-misters. tongue hanging out. trigger. fan. mist. repeat as necessary. passed a cat. a real one. (are there even demon cats? actually from hell?) just burst into flames. everybody just paused long enough to watch... not long enough to melt themselves... definitely not long enough to help the flamin' feline. didn't take long. poor thing. asked another passing demon 'hey, did you just do that?' 'cause demons do. he's all 'hell no! i'm not that kinda demon!' under his breath 'freakin' profiler.' um, yep. talkin' about demons here. i calls 'em as i seize 'em. speaking of demons... speaking of satan... speaking of things falling from the sky...

heard of another sky press? if not, pay attention. fab press! online books. real books. check out their first release- CLICK by Kristopher Young. fascinating & unique novel! read it for FREE... but you'll get about 5 pgs in & want to buy a copy for yourself. you pay only the outlined cost to make a copy. everything above the base price is donation. please donate. the book's worth every penny & more. you can read an e-book, but you can't put it on a shelf. buy it. you'll love it! i did! coming soon- a coloring book like no other by Jesse Reno... AND the best f-ing short story anthology you'll ever read! one of 'em by yours truly. FALLING FROM THE SKY. coming fall/winter 2006...

visit another sky press

ok. back to the fridge. note to surly/sweaty/stinky demons: if it's too hot in iowa for you, go back to your OWN hell! note to those of us sans cloven hooves, pitchfork, spiky horns & tail: stay the f- inside! really! joggers? please. don't blame me when you blow home as so much ash.

visit bar-code-art.com

fuzzy quiet sheep drinking beer

2006-07-13T20:29:00.000-07:00

um. welcome to my blog. everybody else is doing it. woke up this morning. fuzzy. hungry. naked. kinda felt like a sheep i suppose. i'll join the herd. i can follow just as well as, well, not follow. hang out. drink some beer. watch the tv. scratch. actually this blog is like a really quiet test. shhh. i'm hoping that if i type soft enough nobody will ever know i'm bloggin'. don't make a sound. no comments. nothing.

good thing about blogs: free to say whatever you want. about how wrong it is to eat tasty animals. how weird people look when they wear fur anything- especially when there's paint randomly covering it. how you love/hate our president. talk about your odd children. adorable pets that you dress up like people. they love that. i'm sure. how you're a boy that likes to sleep with boys. & isn't that wrong. or isn't that trendy. or isn't that just exactly like a boy that likes to sleep with girls- but with a different entry point. how lesbians are sooo hot. but only the hot ones. the butch ones freak u out. how paris hilton, um... shit. ok. i hate paris hilton. there. i said it. whatever you have/need/want/simply must say. type away. you're not alone. baaa.

bad thing about blogs: who's to say anybody gives a full shit about what u (or i) have to say? dang. if i filled this new blog with what i did today, or tomorrow, or next tuesday, whenever- pretty f-ing boring. i'm happy. great wife. great kid. great house. hate my job- because it's a job. friends. fun. but pretty run of the mill happy. great for me & those around me, but... may not be all that exciting. so, instead. no daily shit. unless i'm abducted by aliens. i'll leave out the ass stuff i promise. or i save an animal or something. movie stuff. music stuff. art stuff. funny stuff. links that i stumble across (or visit every day). under the impression that zero people will read this, & that's OK. just another odd spawn of the internet. wipe off the slime. wrap it up in a towel adorned with circus animals. on its way into this bright/strange/dirty world. push door to open.

visit bar-code-art.com